her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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