did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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