Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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