...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
