Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
