we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
