That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
