Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
