i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
