I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
