it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
