ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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