I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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