I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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