Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
