You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
