only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
