im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
