Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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