FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
