i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
