pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
