I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
