How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
