wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
