I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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