His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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