Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
