nut hugger
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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