I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
PANTIES FOUND
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
