ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
