Welp...herpes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
