i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
