just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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