is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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