i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
