remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
