I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
