I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My ass is underappreciated
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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