It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
