Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
