i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
