thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think your dad took our porno
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
