so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
