ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
