Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
