So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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