My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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