Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
