Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
