I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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