five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
